There are a lot of ways to dissect people, and put them into categories, groups, communities, etc. One of the better ways I’ve found to determine if a person and I have anything in common with each other is to ask them the following question:

When you’re at a family function, or a party, or a business meeting, do you find you walk away from the experience refreshed and energized, or do you feel depleted and in need of alone time to recover? 

I am in the latter category. I somehow manage to be at once affectionate and anti-social, loyal and distant; I am one of the most reliable people you could ever have in your life, and I am, by definition, a terrible friend.

I don’t tell white lies very often or hold my tongue when asked a direct question, I don’t pick up the phone and call people from High School just to see what they’ve been up to since we graduated, I don’t add people to my Facebook page unless I would actually consider them to be a friend or at least someone I could be friends with, I don’t go out of my way to make plans to go out or do things if there’s something else I’d rather do at home.

In some ways, this can be really infuriating to the people around me. Just like most people, I can get lonely from time to time, crave conversation and some human interaction. But I also feel like more times than not, getting to know a new person is less an enlightening experience, and more of a weekend-eater. People are such an inconstant in your life, that devoting a lot of time to a lot of people sounds to me to be an act of masochism.

Usually, I don’t even think of it as something that divides me from other people, but in certain occasions, like when I see my 3 year old daughter walk into a room full of new people and shout “HI! I’m A___! Did you have a good weekend??”, I am reminded that sometimes, we’re just wired differently.

When all is said and done, I need time to do the things I like to do, by myself. Luckily, I married a man who completely understands this about me, and seems to have no big issues with it. He is far more personable and outgoing than I am, and I think that our differing personality traits actually suit each other’s pretty well. 

But I wonder, as an introverted, judgmental, aggressive, quiet, loving, affectionate, loyal person who doesn’t have access to a lot of people to ask this out loud to: Is there anyone else out there who thinks they are similarly “unlikable”, and pretty much OK with it?

“Draw the short stick?” I could make out Weisberger’s sillihuote in the dimly lit, unfinished portion of the basement. He closed the door very slowly and delibierately, making as little noise as possible. As he made his way to the stairs, I moved a few steps up. He laughed under his breath as he sat down sideways and bent his neck to watch me.”Ah, come on,” he said. “You can sit by me. I’m not a bad guy.”I looked away, and after a few long seconds, he looked away too.
Through the thin drywall, I could hear rustling and heavy breathing. The bedroom door was on the other end of the long hallway, but the noises sounded like they were inches away.”Kelly’s in the closet with him?” I sneered.”Mark and Megan are using the bed, so they probably wanted some privacy.”“I’m sure that’s how she always imagined her first time.” Weisberger’s eye widened a little. “She’s never done this before?”“Shit, Weisberger; she’s only 13 years old.”He pursed his lips a little and glared at me then.
“My name is Mike.”“Everyone’s name is Mike, Mike. How am I supposed to keep all of you straight?” I said, while I stood to stretch out my legs. We had all been sitting in that basement bedroom floor that night, playing Truth and Dare, Spin the Bottle, and whatever other cliche games these 19 and 20 year old guys could think up to get us girls to kiss them, and after Megan and Mark were very obviously not playing with the rest of us anymore, I decided to excuse myself from the room. I guess Weisberger took that as a signal, though god knows why. I thought I’d made it pretty clear in that room that while I was there with my friends, I did not come to “party”, like they had.  What I had intended to do when I left the bedroom, was to go outside to be by myself. I was angry; and I wanted to think about how I came to be in this house, at 3AM, when my parents thought the 3 of us were sound asleep in sleeping bags on my living room floor. I couldn’t believe I had let Megan talk me into doing something so stupid, and honestly, it wasn’t the first time I had, either. But sneaking out to get picked up by these guys.
 ”You know,” He leaned his body against the next stair up, laying his hand on my shoes, “No one has to know what we do out here. I won’t tell anyone about it. You can just relax and enjoy yourself tonight.” ”Megan told me all you guys all quit High school a couple of months ago.” I changed the subject. ”Yeah, it was pointless. Besides, we all already have jobs, so what’s a piece of paper going to do? I’m making good money right now. Being in school is a waste.” ”So you’re 19, no diploma, and you’re making good money what; bagging groceries? And you’re looking to get me pregnant tonight?” ”What do you know, you’re a stupid kid.”Yes I was. And I knew it the moment he said it, that I did not belong there. I went up the stairs without saying anything more, and wandered into the kitchen. I walked to the fridge, and pulled out a soda, before walking outside to sit on the lawn. I guess I thought if I had to wait for my friends to finish whatever it was they were doing down there, I didn’t have to do it talking to that douche bag. He didn’t follow me out the door.